My Sexuality

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Image result for bondage

I used to think that my desires were too inappropriate.

Sometimes just downright wrong.

But through the help of a very interesting and useful blog: tall,darkanddominant I’ve been able to see that these things, my kinks, aren’t wrong. I’m getting older, experimentation with my sexuality is to be expected. My interests confused me at first. I didn’t understand why I liked these things and ultimately bashed myself for having BDSM related thoughts. I thought it was wrong. Was I some sort of rape fantasist??? Was there something wrong with me? Am I just some sick perverted confused little girl?

The answer is no, I am not. My fantasies are my own and so are my desires. I was afraid before and, like with maybe things in my life, I let society tell me what is right and what is wrong. My desires, I’ve learned, aren’t evil, aren’t “sick”, and they sure s hell aren’t wrong!

They’re beautiful. They’re unique. And they’re perfect for me.

I think that my desires fall from just who I am as a person. I’ve recently fallen back in love with the blog listed above because the writer has similar views to my own. Not only is he a Dominant male with sexual desires but also psychological desires as well. It isn’t just about the physical but also the mental. And I’ve always been obsessed with the mental. You see my dream (as I’ve stated before) is to become a Neuropsychologist. That is someone who studies the natural functions of the brain (Neurologist) with the psychological individual aspects of a person (Psychologist). And oh how BDSM ties into that so well! As a submissive female I’m not very vocal with my desires with my partner as he isn’t really Dominant. But oh how I absolutely love testing out his dominance. Because its there, at times I’ll misbehave and he’ll put me in my place. Sometimes when I’m bad he’ll spank me or pull my hair to make me listen. But it’s like flipping a switch with him.

One moment he’s normal, then he’ll slip into the role of a Dominant without even knowing it! And teasing him and testing out his kinks are the best part.

But, for the longest time (all almost a year in fact) I’ve shied away from all this. I’d originally broken things off with my Daddy (yes I call him Daddy), I shoved my desires in a box deep within my self and hid the Key. And this year was horrible because of it. I felt like I knew who I was but there was always something missing. I recently found the Key again. It was in reading through Mr.TD&D’s blog that I found what I didn’t know I’d been looking for.

Confidence in myself. A deeper love for myself than I had been previously willing to accept. I’d told myself that BDSM was wrong because my parents told me it was wrong. I told myself loving my Daddy was wrong, that I wasn’t ready for a relationship because my father told me I was wrong. I told myself that in order to make myself happy first I had to please my parents and society.

That was utterly incorrect. Today my Daddy let me drive his car. It was the first time I’d ever driven a car. It wasn’t far just from his parking spot to one a couple feet over. But still, the act was exhilarating, rebellious, and over joyous! I felt free. I felt alive. I felt like I’d taken my first real steps into adulthood. Something my parents would’ve never trusted me with but my Daddy did. He trusted me with his car. And as I parked the car, and as he kissed me in congratulations I realized this.

I was just fine.

The world DIDN’T end.

I DIDN’T crash the car.

And I DIDN’T mess up.

And in that moment I realized that I can’t allow others to choose what makes me happy.

I can’t allow myself to try to constantly make others happiness exceed my own.

And I’ve got to make my own decisions. Think things through. On my own. Not “What would dad say.” Whenever I take time to relax instead of spending all hours of the day studying. Not thinking “But that’s wrong.” When I imagine my Daddy standing over me a mischievous gleam in his eye as he teases me in various naughty ways. Because its not wrong.

It’s okay to relax

It’s okay to be naughty

It’s okay to live my life the way I see fit.

It’s okay for me to love being a submissive little kitten and to have a Daddy.

It’s okay for me to relax and take me time when I need me time.

It’s okay for me to explore myself mentally and physically.

Because I’m not a child anymore. Though I still have my child-like innocence and curiosity at times. I am not a child. I know what I want and I’m discovering who I am. And where I fit into in this crazy, beautiful, mess-up world.

 

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Three Words

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Three words gave birth to mankind.
Three words we can barely define.
Three simple words:
“Who Am I?”
Every day
Seven billion people ask themselves this.
Every day
And we haven’t even reached a general consensus
Of who we are
Or what we have the potential to be.
This is the blessing, the burden, and the curse of humanity:
Free will.
The power to choose
Who you want to be.
It starts with a decision,
So stop wishing.
Stop conforming to someone else’s vision.
Learn to ignore ignorance.
Instead,
Listen
To the voice in your head that says,
“You are more than how THEY define you.”
So don’t let their words confine you
To a simple, reductive stereotype
You are more than a shade of black or white.
You are not defined by your weight or your height.
Forget every label that exists in your mind.
Forget your sexuality.
Forget your astrological sign.
Forget intelligence, politics, gender, and age.
Remember,
Even a single word can imprison you within a cage,
So don’t be a slave
To any limited definition.
Believe it or not,
You are more than your religion.
You are more than what any label could express
You are the sum of experiences far too complex
For anyone, even yourself, to understand.
The truth about you?
There is no truth.
You decide
“Who I am.”
You are what you decide to be
And I am what you find in me.
But together,
We can be anything
If we both agree
So let’s agree on the best possible truth:
“Who Am I?”
I Am You.
If that’s true,
You are me.
There is no “they.”
Only “we.”
The finite parts of infinity.
The beating heart of humanity.
You and me.
Remember:
We’re all in this life together.
There’s no such thing as someone else
If I help you, I help myself
And if we both believe
In this simple resolution
We can move the world.
We can be a revolution.
We’ll take these three words,
And answer them with two:
“We are…”
The rest is up to
You.

By: The Unknown

What is Unconditional love?

Image result for unconditional love

Unconditional love, is loving without boundaries and without fear. It’s not caring what others will think when they see you holding that persons hand. It’s not caring that your son or daughter is different from other children. It’s not caring that the person you love makes mistakes, because you’ll always be there for them no matter what. You’ll stand by their side through it all. The good, the bad, the wonderful and the terrible. Because when you truly love somebody, unconditionally, it’s exactly as it sounds. Love without conditions, love without borders. Just crazy, wild, unexplainable love. You think about them all day, they’re the last thought on your mind when you fall asleep and your first thought when you wake up. And you know that no matter what you’ll still love them.

Unconditional love doesn’t have to be romantic. You can love anyone unconditionally. From your family, to your friends. Love is boundless. It is a force that can never truly be destroyed. It is present in everyone and everything in this world. From the tiniest grain of sand to the tallest oak tree, love is truly everywhere.

And that love that can be found everywhere, is unconditional. And in each and every one of us there is a deep unconditional love for something within us. Because every human is born with the ability to love endlessly, without fear, without conditions. Each and every person on this planet has love somewhere in themselves. And like the wings of a Luna Moth, that love is beautiful, powerful, and awe-inspiring.

So when you look at someone, and you feel like your soaring across the endless sapphire sky.

Know that, that is unconditional love.

Beautiful.

Powerful.

And Awe-inspiring.

Thirty Things that Make Me Smile

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  1. Moths- Most people love butterflies but I love moths. The huge beautiful colorful moths. They’re the true beauties of this world ❤ ❤ ❤
  2. Tea- Some people like coffee, but tea will always be my go-to. It’s just so delicious and warm. The flavors are all wonderfully blended. And most of the time its all sweet and savory without the bitter taste that coffee has.
  3. Kittens- I absolutely 100% adore kittens!!!! They’re so sooooooo cute!!!!
  4. My siblings getting along- It’s a rare and beautiful sight.
  5. My Best Friends- They’re always there for me
  6. My dad smiling- That’s rare too.
  7. Cherry blossoms- These traditional Japanese flowers are so beautiful and wonderful and always make me smile.
  8. Stars- So many infinite stars in the sky…. never enough time to explore them all.
  9. Old books- I love that old-book smell! And the yellow pages! idk why but I love them so much!
  10. Antiques- They’ve got character and an amazing story to tell.
  11. Link- Sorry, not sorry. Link from the Legend of Zelda game series will always be my absolute FAVORITE gaming character. Move over Mario!
  12. Fuzzy Socks- Need I say more?
  13. Dean Winchester- Come on you guys all know why this guy makes me smile.
  14. Cloudy days- Their aesthetic is Sunny. Mine is cloudy with a chance of Thunderstorms.
  15. Burgers- BIG, juicy, thick burgers! With lots of cheese ad bacon! (You guys ever try truffle mac n’ cheese? I like to add that to my burger 😀 again sorry, not sorry.)
  16. The color Purple- No not the book/movie (though those are good too) but the actual color. It’s my favorite color.
  17. Sunrises- I believe I have a whole post on why I love these.
  18. The Full Moon- I don’t know there’s just something magical about the full moon.
  19. My family- We may be large and dysfunctional but I wouldn’t trade’em for anything else in the world.
  20. Candles- I love LOOOVVVVEEEEEE CANDLES!!! All types of candles! They’re so wonderful and emit a wonderful natural-like light.
  21. Cottages- I’m going to live in one, one day. Mark my words.
  22. Shooting Games- Don’t know why, but they’re so SUPER awesome. I feel like a total BOSS whenever I make headshots.
  23. Gyros- MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!
  24. ASMR- Yes, that’s right. ASMR. I just love the tingles. Don’t judge me ‘kay?
  25. Tumblr- Tumblr is awesome, okay! Just don’t forget to credit the artist. DON’T FORGET TO CREDIT THE ARTIST! OR MY GOD HAVE MERCY ON YOUR ETERNAL SOULS!!!!!!!
  26. The Princess Bride- Best Movie EVER!
  27. HARRY POTTER- #SLYTHERINSRULE!
  28. Vanilla-scented anything- Vanilla is the most wonderful, beautiful, most glorious smell ever.
  29. Newborn babies- THEY’RE SO TEENY TINY!!!!!!!!
  30. Succulents- They’re my favorite plants. They’re just so beautiful!

My Favorite Way to Spend the Day is…

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Image result for girl by fireplace with tea and a book

With a good book, my favorite cup of hot tea (mint), and a comfy cozy outfit. If it’s raining outside then it’s an extra special day because I love love LOVE rainy days and I’ll snuggle up in a blanket with a good book. (Thunderstorms are the absolute best! I just love the rumble of thunder and the white noise of rain in the background, it’s just perfect.) I know it may seem weird but I’d much rather snuggle up than turn up the heat. It’s just so much more comfortable to have your own little cocoon of warmth while you read or just relax. I love playing music in the back ground while I read books. Sometimes classical, other times just relaxing music playlists on YouTube 😀

This is when I’m most comfortable, and also the most vulnerable. There just an amazing sense of calm and comfort whenever I’m about to (finally) be alone and read a good book of my choosing’s, instead of AP LANG books. ❤

High Expectations

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That’s who I could be. 12 years of college/medical school and i could be a neurologist. Just get good grades, stay out of trouble and that’s it. I could be a doctoir. It’s simple and all part of my dads master plan full of no fun classes, hard work, and lots of discipline.

But what happens when I don’t want that anymore?

Dont get me wrong, doctors are the best. And the most amazing people ever. But am I willing to spend twelves years of my life in medical school to get there? The answer, ultimately, is no.

This:

Isn’t how I imagined spending my life after high school. Nor do I find joy in imagining spend the best years of my life in medical school. But that’s Part of the plan. I have to become somebody important. And all my true interests and hobbies, have to stay just interests and hobbies.

That is what is expected of me. Those are my High Expectations. And I say screw them.

I wont, so far all my life rules have been shoved down my throat. When all I want is an adventure. To travel the world. That’s my one true dream. And I can’t do that as a doctor. Not four years after high school. I’ll be too busy trying to find ways to pay for medical school instead of traveling to Tokyo, Japan. Or China! India. Congo. Kenya. Israel. London. Paris.

And I can do all that with only a bachelors degree and a basic knowledge of English. So instead of this:

I want my life to be this:

That^^^

Is MY life goals. Those are MY dreams. And I am no longer going to let others determine how I live my life. As well I shouldn’t. I will be and Artist and after I’ve lived my dream we’ll see about nursing but I am not committing to being a doctor.

Thats just not me.

Thoss are my new High Expectations. What’re yours?

Teen Sexuality Pt.8

Hello my lovely  Lilies!

Before I begin I just want to say that there WILL BE SEXUAL CONTENT and if you don’t want to read it just don’t click on this post.

So today I wanted to talk about everyone’s favorite subject: Teen Sexuality.

As you guys know a lot has changed with me, and even more so recently! Earlier this week a became a full fledged Witch! I initiated myself (yes, I’m a solitary witch so I can do that)  and it was very exciting! But since then the hole in my chest has only been growing larger. Ever since Linzie -who was able to be revived and is recovering- broke things off with me ;-;

*Sigh* over a misunderstanding too. Oh well….

Anyway, of late I’ve found that even though I love being alone whether it be at home, at school, or in my Craft. I find that I hate being lonely. And it’s quite plain that I am indeed lonely. I have eight siblings and quite a few friends, so don’t get me wrong. I’m not lonely in that sense, but in another…

I’m sixteen now and in only a few short months I’ll be seventeen. And I’d love to have a partner. A really partner. One that I can see everyday and not talk to over a computer screen. I know what I want in a guy. And I know what guys want in a girl. And I’m not talkin’ about the whole body thing. I mean personality wise. In my opinion I’m a pretty decent girl, ya know? Not sayin’ that I’m the greatest flower in the garden but I’m definitely not the worst either. And I just can’t understand it.

Should I just wait? I mean what I like in a guy is maturity, dominance, a little humor, and excitement. I’m not looking for Mr. Grey necessarily but I sure as hell don’t want Mr. Beige either, lol. And I know I’m just only reaching the tips of womanhood so obviously full blown sex is out of the question (for now ^-^), but still. Those are the qualities I look for in guys and recently I just can’t understand it, but I can’t do it anymore. And when I say it I don’t mean life, I mean the thing that you do after a long stimulating day on the naughty side of tumblr. That it.

I feel like that its just not the same anymore. As I’m getting older, doing things by myself seems very weird to me. At first I was ashamed of doing it, but now I just feel like….

Well its a little hard to explain. I know I don’t want to have sex, but also I don’t to do the do alone anymore, ya know?

Likeeeeeeee……

I’d rather cuddle up with someone.

Then I’d rather flick the bean. Ya know? Mostly because afterwards I feel kinda bad because I’m still lonely. Because we all know that we fantasize about something (or someone) that they desire. And usually afterwards I kinda feel awkward because its just a fantasy. And……

I don’t know…..

Is it just me, or do other feel this way?

 

 

 

The World Around Us: Middle Eastern Women

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Hello my glorious Lilies! Today I’m starting a new section on the blog called The World Around Us. This’ll be where I talk about the real world. Human trafficking, Global Warming, Deforestation, Police Brutality, Worldwide problems that at the end of each blog I will try to find a solution to.

First watch the video linked below before reading  on please.

 

 

Now, ladies and gentlemen, how did that make you feel? Hm? How would you feel if American troops ransacked your neighborhoods, murdered you (men) and your sons, then raped your daughters? How would you feel if you had to live in a country the enforced dress-code and an average lifespan of 45 years? Little girls forced to marry grown men and have children? Husbands and fathers murdering their daughters for dishonoring them? Women are being murdered, girls are being raped and killed! They’re sold into human trafficking and most are sold as sex slaves and maybe less that 20% are forced into hard labor the rest of their lives.

I am appalled.

What makes me think the most is what I’ve shown you, isn’t new. This has been happening for decades for CENTURIES in the middle east. And no ones done anything about it….

What happened to human rights? Where’s CNN, FOX news, Twitter, Facebook? Why isn’t this a worldwide outcry? Why are we sending troops to Afghanistan to kill terrorists, but not to support these women; these women whose only crime, was being born? Because it would literally be the end of the world as we know it, if any of this happened in America. It would be shut down faster that you could say the words “Bitch” to a woman.

Because this is America.

And as our latest president the “Honorable” Donald John Trump stated in his inauguration speech, Americans need to put America first. So something like the rape of hundreds of thousands of girls will not be tolerated here.

But what happens when it can’t be just America first? When is someone going to say: “This needs to stop. Here and now.”? When are we as Americans going to stop being so selfish? When are feminist going to rise up in unity in concern for our sisters and daughters being tortured, raped, and slaughtered in the middle east? When is it going to stop being “Awe, that’s sad. Poor little girl who died on her wedding night to her 40 year old husband……. Hey honey look at this cool lasagna recipe!” and instead there be a nation outcry for human rights in middle eastern countries! It’s unacceptable, the conditions these women are forced to live in! And what? It’s all just okay? It’s nothing that we as Americans need to concern ourselves with just because its happening in a developing country full of black and brown people? And these are people! That could be any woman you love and care about. What if that happened to your mother? Your sister? Your wife? Your daughter? Cause honestly and truly it could be them!

Americans riot, make laws, and have other countries make laws for things like wildlife and nature and the treatment of domesticated animals before they’re sent to the slaughter house. But they wont lift a finger for this. I’m not saying that those things aren’t important. But they’re definitely not as important as the lives of these women. Their needs to be something done about this. It needs to stop, now.

I understand that it would take a lot of support from the American people, but its worth it in the end. I also understand that in doing so we’d be going against the entire middle eastern system (at least that form, since this doesn’t happen to ALL middle eastern women, but a very large majority). And that could mean war.

That could mean more troops sent out.

But we’ve gone to war for a hell of a lot less than protecting the rights of females. And isn’t what we as Americans are all about? Isn’t our countries motto:

America home of the brave and the free?

So,

Which one of your is willing to be brave? Which one of you is willing to stand up and say something needs to change. Who will join not only me but the hundreds of others before myself who have fought for change, for the lives of hundreds of thousands of Muslim women? Who is willing to fight and struggle for the freedom of not only American women, but also women in the middle east. Who will stand and be courageous and show all the world what an American really is? Who will say: “I’m an American, my home is the land of the brave and the free. And I will fight to instill these principles, these morals, in countries other than my own. When the victims of a government where murder and savagery is not kept in check, I -an American- will answer their calls. I will stand for the basic rights that every human no matter how big or small, light or dark, should have. And I will stand for middle eastern women.” Who will say this with me. Who is brave enough, to prove that America is the greatest nation in the world. Not because we’ve advanced so far ourselves, not because we’ve changed so much ourselves, but because we’ve helped other nations advance farther and because we’ve brought change (equal or greater) to others.

That is the America that I believe in and that is the American Dream I stand for.

What about you?